I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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