I am puke
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
