i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
