This house was built for laser tag.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
