if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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