Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
