Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize