when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
