Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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