That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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