I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
