I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
