My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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