your room smells of hookers.
And success
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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