yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
