i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
