Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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