i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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