oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Randomize
