Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
