Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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