But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
