its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
