i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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