i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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