If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Its about making memories worth repressing
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
