Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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