so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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