Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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