ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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