He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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