some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i barfeds in our rink
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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