it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
