So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
