Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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