You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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