ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
