I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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