I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize