Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
