She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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