i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
