opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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