At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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