He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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