Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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