i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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