just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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