im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
