you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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