I wish my penis had an off switch
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
