On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
