You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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