i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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