So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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