Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
