I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
