My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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