I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
