Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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