i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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