dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
