K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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