I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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