I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
