I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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