I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
