ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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