I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
