If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
