Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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