strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
