just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
