He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
