I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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