24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize