Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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