it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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