Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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