So drunk its hurt
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
