Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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