I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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