you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
