cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
