dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
